When I look back now, I realize I was in denial.
I can remember chatting with a friend a couple years ago, and she referred to us as "middle-aged."
“I’m not middle-aged!" I snapped.
She replied, “Um… how old do you think you’re going to live to?...”
Ugh… I felt a knot in my stomach as I grappled with the pain of aging. My first thought? Aging stinks!
I could deny it. And, I could pretend that I was an exception. But the reality was, my body was changing.
And just like a kid throwing a tantrum (always at the wrong places and times), I decided that I was going to fight it.
I felt angry for all the time I wasted.
I was filled with regret for all the things I haven’t done yet.
I ached for all the moments I worried over stupid things. If only I knew then what I do now–– I would have enjoyed myself more!
Well, we all know how well THAT works....
So, while I can’t go back and change the amount of years I’ve been on this planet, I made a decision that I can look, be, and feel the healthiest and most alive that I have ever been… even in menopause.
Now don't get me wrong, this has not been an easy path!
It started with extreme exhaustion. And all of the sudden, I couldn't sleep. I went from having a diet and exercise routine "all figured out," to suddenly feeling like nothing was working. My body was changing, and I did NOT feel like myself anymore. My anxiety was at an all-time high, my mood swings were severe, and I started having full-blown panic attacks in the worst places. Like my local grocery store.... And that was just peri-menopause!
I’m not sure if you're aware of this or not, but, most women go through menopause for an average of at least 10 years.
Once I realized what was going on, I dove into the research. I learned that, while there are great new hormone treatments that can help with menopause symptoms, as a health coach, I also knew there had to be natural ways to find relief.
Over the past couple of years, I've been able to start sleeping better, and feeling less exhausted during the day. I've been able to include foods in my diet that specifically nourish women's bodies in menopause, and ditch the things that were causing me to gain weight. I have far less hot flashes, night sweats, and energy depletion than I was feeling before. I've also changed my lifestyle so my workouts are less grueling, more enjoyable, and actually allow me to feel flexible, energized, and strong.
And the best part? I feel at home in my new body, and more deeply connected and validated in my wants and needs than ever before. An unexpected side-effect is the level of sexiness I feel in my body, and the confidence and liberation I feel to follow through on my desires.
So while I know how daunting it feels to start going through menopause, I want you to know that you don’t have to suffer.
There are PLENTY of ways to relieve the symptoms of menopause and improve your quality of life and well-being.
After all, we have so much more life to live. And I don’t know about you, but I plan on feeling active, amazing and sexy in my body for years to come!
So in honor of World Menopause Month, as well as the unbelievable amount of women silently suffering from the reality of aging and menopause, I wanted to share the top 7 most surprising things I've learned on my menopause journey.
Get to know YOUR body’s needs. Stop comparing yourself to what was and find out what you truly need and desire now.
Start by listening to your body, and no matter what comes up–– respond to it in a loving way.
What are your dreams and desires? Who are you?
Include all parts. You are not a "menopausal woman." Think beyond your age, job title or family role.
What is important to you? What are your beliefs?
By reconnecting to your beliefs, dreams, and desires, you can let go of who you have been, and start to form your new identity for this next chapter of your life.
The Chinese call menopause a "second spring."
So consider taking this as an opportunity to rediscover yourself.
Trust. Your. Body. it is perfect as it is. You’re not broken, you are simply going through a natural change–– a natural phase of womanhood and, although it's hard, it can also be one of the most powerful moments in your life.
By connecting with your body, and shifting from your overthinking mind that just wants to "check things off a list," and into an inward experience can help you access more ease and grace.
Focus on what is healthy and alive in your body, instead of focusing on all the things you think are wrong. This shift in your mindset will allow your health of your body to follow suit, and flourish.
Create a morning routine that has more ease and less hustle.
This is a non-negotiable for me, and has completely changed the rest of my day. One great way to a more easeful morning routine, is to start meditating. Studies demonstrate that women who meditate regularly tend to develop greater emotional balance, and can dramatically reduce hot flashes.
Meditating has been a game-changer for me and at this point, is a non-negotiable.
Instead of grabbing a cup of coffee and rushing out the door, carve out a few minutes just for yourself.
Find a quiet spot to sit in silence and set your intention for the day. If you want to take it one step further than visualize your day going smoothly and being "in the flow."
Sure, you might have to get up earlier, and go to bed earlier. But, what if by taking 5-10 minutes to sit in silence you could reduce your worst menopause symptoms, lower stress, think more clearly, feel more confident and balanced, and have more focus at work?
Even though it can feel selfish, the truth is, your family will thank you–– trust me!
When you think of "balancing your hormones," think balancing your lifestyle. Shifting hormones, complicated by stress, lack of exercise and poor diets with too many carbs, sugars and alcohol, put our bodies out of balance and then here comes the hot flashes, moodiness, and brain fog.
Sugar, caffeine, and spicy foods can trigger hot flashes.
Find foods low in sugar such as switching from citrus fruits to berries.
When you're having a salad, try to add kale, Brussels sprouts, or broccoli. They will help even out your estrogen fluctuations.
Another great option is to do a liver cleanse. Cleansing the liver is very helpful for menopause.
And, find movement that you enjoy. Dust off those DVD’s or follow your favorite YouTube trainer, sign up for a new class, or go outside for a walk.
The important thing is to continue to move your body and find your flow.
Are you storing up your emotions?
If you are not expressing your emotions, you might find yourself going into a spiral of deep unhappiness.
By learning to embrace your feelings, you can open up to a whole new level of living.
The next time you have a hot flash, think about what you were doing or thinking right before the onset. Chances are, anger, fear, sadness or some kind of strong emotion may have triggered the sudden onset.
So, instead of getting upset when the hot flash happens, get curious. The truth is, your body might be trying to tell you something. See if you can try being present with the emotion–– accepting it–– and not fighting it, or judging yourself for feeling it.
It’s not even necessary to understand why you are feeling it. Simply feel the emotion, be present with it, and notice that by giving it some space, it will eventually go away freely.
I used to be able to function on 6 hours of sleep and make up for it on the weekends.
Now, if I don’t get enough sleep, I feel like I’m in a fog and it's almost like I’m hungover. Consistent sleep is so important. It's our body's chance to do its "housekeeping" duties (for instance, your brain flushes out toxins when you're in a deep sleep), so we can feel fresh and restored in the morning.
Research has proven that sleep affects everything from our mood and energy, to our weight, our ability to fight off disease, and ultimately, our longevity. So during times like perimenopause and menopause when there are changes happening in your body, you could benefit from even more sleep than usual.
Think sleep = your body healing itself.
I find that when I’m "in the flow" and meditating daily, my body naturally gets into a rhythm. When I’m not sleeping well, it’s usually an indicator that I need to balance my food and lifestyle.
Another tip is to avoid eating too late at night, and also–– eat smaller meals. If you do happen to get up really early or your eyes are wide open at bedtime, take the time to journal, rather than beating yourself up about being awake.
Did you know that as women grow older, our sex hormones can drop by 90%?!
A jade egg is really helpful tool during this time.
What is a jade egg, you might ask?
Well, it's kind of exactly what it sounds–– it's a smooth, egg-shaped gemstone made of jade, which is known to be a very healing stone–– especially for women.
By inserting the jade egg into yourself (yes, down there), you can strengthen your pelvic floor, increase your libido, become more emotionally resilient, and restore your feminine power!
Is the Jade egg really that awesome?
For me, It’s been a life changer! It’s a tool that can help you feel more desire, enjoy more sex, and love your body more. Oh and it’s totally natural, safe, and affordable. So no dangerous side effects.
Curious to build your own jade egg practice? Book your free call with me, and I'll walk you through the steps to learn how!
Most people think tantra is just for sexuality, but it’s mainly about building and sustaining energy.
Tantra is about being mindful to yourself, your body and your daily life, as well as with your sexual nature.
And guess what? This is exactly what we need when we're in menopause.
The Tantric practice of sex is not just about the act of sex–– it's about going beyond sex to feel better balance, improved intimacy and connection, and even deeper states of consciousness.
Tantric awareness amplifies sensuality, and can be done moment-by-moment, at any time of the day–– with, or without–– a partner!
For most women in menopause, sex often becomes less satisfying, sometimes painful, and just not as important as everything else on their plate. Yet we all desire intimacy.
When you open yourself to pleasure without the end in mind, pleasure can be a healing and liberating experience. A simple exercise is to close your eyes and lightly touch your, or your partner's skin.
By simply relaxing you can have a positive impact on your hormone balance, be more in the moment and connected with your body, which can increase pleasure more than ever before.
“Our sexuality is more than the act of ‘doing’ something about it, it’s essentially a deep part of ‘who’ we are—To be fully expressed in our own sensual/sexual nature, we must equally have access to and be expressed in our emotional nature and vice-versa.”
– Saida Desilets
If you are curious about finding some support for your menopause journey, or learning more about jade eggs or Tantra, I invite you to get my free video training below:
Go from feeling like you're "losing your edge" in the boardroom, bedroom, or in life–– to connecting more deeply with your inner power and desires than you ever have before.
In this 8-minute video, I'm revealing the #1 key to unshakable ease, grace, power and sexual prowess in menopause and beyond.
Click HERE to unlock your free access!